Sunday, November 30, 2003

thanksgiving weekend top ten...

10. I bought a crap load of groceries and stuff that I've been needing around the house for months.
9. I didn't spend more than 60 seconds on the computer at any one time (except now).
8. Thanks to the Greens, I ate a large bird that had been dropped into 350 degree oil for an hour and it was tasty.
7. My fourteen year old cousin, who has never said more than a few words to me in her life, went to dinner with my mom and I and proceeded to make fun of me the entire night.
6. I acquired a discounted pair of wall mounts for my speakers and rocked out to Dolby II surround sound all weekend.
5. My mom hung out with me and my friends at Jose's and I bought my mom dinner.
4. I got my first paycheck at my new job and a paycheck at my part time job.
3. I spent my first paycheck from my new job and my paycheck from my part time job on rent and a student loan payment.
2. My mom approved of my girlfriend.
1. My dad totaled his car while trying to go visit family and didn't get to go anywhere. (no serious injuries)

I'm riiiiiiiich beeeyaaaaatch!!!

Monday, November 24, 2003

one more thing...

Serious props to Lori for putting her video clips from the Aqueduct show on the web so quickly! You're awesome, kid.

here's the beef...

I attended the debate thing between Ben Stein and Al Franken last night with Eric, Posey, and Natalie. I had such a great time listening to the crazy reactions of the audience. Barnhill Arena was packed like a can of politically divided sardines. At several points in the discussion some guy in the back would yell random uneducated comments at Ben Stein like we were at a WWF match. That was interesting. Besides that, the crowd was well behaved and seemed to enjoy the debate. Posey and I did notice (from the number of people clapping at different moments) that the crowd seemed to be just slightly Left. We also noticed that the Right part of the crowd made up for their lack in numbers by making an incredible amount of noise when they agreed with something. That was also interesting. The debate was sprinkled with many humorous comments from both Stein and Franken, but if the debate was about who was funnier I would have to give it to Al Franken. I mean, come on...the guy made SNL a legacy. He's damn funny. He cried at the end of the debate when talking about his deceased father though. That wasn't very funny.

Here's the Buddy Hackett joke that he ended the debate with:
(I'll tell it the best I can. As many of you know I'm a great story teller, but I suck terribly at telling jokes. Maybe typing it will help me.)

A doctor walks into an exam room where a patient says "Hey, doc...all of the sudden I've got this dot right here on the center of my forehead."

The doctor quickly replies "Oh, no! I've seen this before!"

The patient says "Really? What does it mean?"

The doctor says "In a few months you'll have a large penis growing from that very spot."

The patient says "Oh my god! You mean every time I look at myself in the mirror I'm gonna have to look at a penis sticking out of my forehead?!?"

The doctor replies "Heavens no! Of course not. The balls will be covering your eyes."


Saturday, November 22, 2003

hogs dominate...

I just watched the Arkansas Razorbacks kill Mississippi State 52-6!!!
......::::::GO HOGS GO!!!::::::......

ben stein and al franken duke it out in a no-holds-bar brawl, sunday, sunday, sunday...

The University of Arkansas is hosting a debate on Sunday night between Ben Stein and Al Franken cleverly titled "FRANKEN-STEIN". I'm assuming it concerns current political issues and things of that nature, considering the fact that Ben Stein is a stone faced conservative and Al Franken is straight up liberal. It should be thought provoking and humorous at the same time.

And just for Rush Limbaugh, here's my little way of controlling the media. I'm only going to link Al Franken's website. Hahahaha!!! Kiss my liberal ass, chubbles!

Friday, November 21, 2003

if you haven't already seen it...

There's this show on Spike TV called Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Basically, it's a Japanese game show that requires contestants to go through some hardcore physical challenges. I mean these people get hurt! It's hilarious! The best thing: It's dubbed over in English without the correct translation. They hired two comedians to replace the voices of the two original Japanese hosts. It's mostly sexual innuendo and fecal jokes, which makes it even better. Some of the dubbing is just plain random though. It's so funny! I highly recommend it for a good laugh at the end of a bad day. This week it was on almost every night around 10, and I think on Sunday afternoon they are playing a 5 or 6 hour marathon of it.

Wednesday night was a good night. I got to visit with a few friends at my house and, as usual, watch the greatest show on earth, South Park. Megan the midget wasn't too excited to be there. I guess she isn't a big fan of watching other people talk and have a good time. The only thing that seems to calm her nerves is to put her in front of the TV. It's a downward spiral from here, girl.

A cheap approach to babysitting

Thursday, November 20, 2003

i'm supposed to be mopping the floor, but i'm so sleepy...

Only true South Park fans would know what that title is all about, but I just couldn't help myself. I had to type it. Anyway...this is just me posting something because I feel like I need to post something. Nothing much to say right now. The whole two job thing makes for a long day. I wish I could hurry up and get a paycheck soon. I'm withering away over here. I didn't have much time to eat today, so I'm microwaving some frozen chimichangas right now. It's pathetic, I know. After I eat, I'm checking my email and going straight to bed. So sleepy...

Monday, November 17, 2003

i wanted to post a picture, but these words will have to do...

After realizing that there aren't really any good photo opportunities while sitting at home alone, I decided that this post would just have to do without them. I tried to make my blog a little more exciting by taking pictures of stuff with a digital camera and posting them, but I'm too much of a perfectionist. I shouldn't allow myself to use a digital camera since every time I take a picture I go look at it and then immediately delete it from the camera because "dude, that one sucks." Besides, who really wants to look at a bunch of pictures of a cat and listen to me rattle on and on about how "he really does talk to me when nobody's around. He mostly talks about politics and his plot for world domination, but it's not so boring when it's a cat saying all those things. Seriously..." I know, I know. I'll spare you.

My first day at my new job was stellar. They put me to work immediately, which was nice. I didn't want to be sitting around all day with my thumbs up my anus after all. I started learning Microstation. It's like Autocad (which I used all through college and know like the back of my hand), but with some really backwards commands. Just as I was getting the hang of it, they informed me that tomorrow I get to learn an entirely different drafting program called ArchiCad. All three of these programs are pretty much the same, but with slightly different styles of control. To help explain the difference, let me use this comparison: If these drafting programs were actually large retail chains, Autocad would be Wal-Mart, Microstation would be K-Mart, and ArchiCad would be Target (where everyone who can afford the slight difference is going to now). Now I'm not trying to suggest that one retail chain is better than another (my disclaimer). Don't get me wrong. I was just using the names of these stores in a random fashion. Yea, that's it. I was being random, so don't even try it you little corporate, blog-reading weasels. I know your game. You sit at a desk and search the internet for slanderous material about your company and then sue the crap out of every 13 year old with a blog. So anyway...

Speaking of reading blogs. Here's what happens when your mom discover's your blog:

"MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In a turn of events the 30-year-old characterized as "horrifying," Kevin Widmar announced Tuesday that his mother Lillian has discovered his weblog." More...

Blogger now has a help page just for this exact situation. What To Do When Your Mom Finds Your Blog.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

you're only a day away...

Tomorrow morning I start my new job at the architecture firm. I'm a little nervous, but not too bad. I just found out that Mark is staying until at least January. This is nice because I'll have someone familiar around to show me the ropes. He told me that he cleaned off a table for me and there's a new computer waiting with my name on it. Cool! My own desk, my own computer...this is going to be excellent. I'm calming my nerves and preparing for work this week by doing laundry and other stuff around the house. I'm about to make some dinner (stuffed shell pasta). I haven't had much to eat all day. I unloaded and unwrapped 32 feet of freight at Pier One,and it was total domination if I do say so myself. I'm exhausted now. I hope I can do this two job thing without wearing myself out. That's about enough random thoughts about myself for tonight.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

he LOVES the coat...

I found an easy way to control where Cecil sleeps. I can put my wool coat anywhere in the house and he will lay down right on top of it. I can put it on the couch, on the floor, on a table, in a sink, under a desk, in a cabinet, it doesn't matter. He will go right to it. If I want him to stay out of the living room for some reason, I can just lay my coat on my bed and he will go sleep there. It's so strange! I think I'm going to start documenting all of the different places that I can get him to lay on the coat. It's kind of funny and cute, but it's also annoying because he gets cat hair all over the coat when I'm about to wear it. This means that when I go out in public I look like one of those freaky old cat ladies with the cat hair all over her Beadazzled, puff-painted sweatshirt. He doesn't understand this.


Lori sent me this awesome link today that is still entertaining me at this very moment (I was an only child, so this is easy to do). There are these singing horses that you can control when they sing. They make a surprisingly nice little tune. Go!

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

how dumb i am...

Hey, that wasn't a question, so I don't need an answer.

I just realized that I can put images on here. I have to keep the files on my website, but works. I knew how to do this, but just never really thought about it. This means you have to look at that frightening photo of me every time you check out my blog! Ha! I'll probably make a custom title image later, but for now it's going to be the one you're seeing now (or at least the one you should be seeing now). I am also going to try not to be so lazy and actually post a few new images here and there to entertain you kids. I know some of you can't read and are therefore unimpressed by my blog. This needs to be as A.D.A. as possible, and illiteracy is a handicap on the internet (about a third of the time).

Monday, November 10, 2003

easy way to maximize traffic on your website...

I've been wanting more hits on my blog lately, so I've come up with a list of key words that will hopefully increase traffic on my site almost instantly:

Kobe Bryant's accuser
Anna Kournikova
praise Allah
Atkins Diet
The Matrix
Britney Spears
impeach bush

Ok, so that last one was just my personal favorite, but I know a couple of other people who might stumble upon my website searching for it.
(By the way, if you run a spell check on Kornikova, Blogger thinks you're trying to spell corncob. Awesome.)

Saturday, November 08, 2003

come on people, wash your hands after you drop the kids off at the pool...

I just love the headline to this one: "Hepatitis outbreak in Beaver triggers shots for nearly 3,000" I guess it could go several ways, but it is actually talking about a huge hepatitis A breakout in Beaver County, Pennsylvania. Maybe they shouldn't have left that so open. Jokes aside, apparently some idiot at a Chi Chi's restaurant didn't wash his hands after he took a nasty dump. Now the whole county is about to experience some real discomfort once their digestive systems begin malfunctioning. I do find these home town newspaper articles rather amusing sometimes with lines like, "[Ben Delaney], who is also a mall jewelry store employee, said he and a co-worker put in a rare Chi-Chi's order for convenience two weeks ago. He normally prefers his wife's homemade tacos." Ha! Oh, man! What a great article!

Friday, November 07, 2003

the bestest little midget ever...

Jason and Kim brought me a couple of CDs full of pictures of their new baby, Megan. I picked a few of them and put them on my website. If you want to see an absolutely adorable little kid, check them out. I bet you can't look at them without saying words like "cute and precious". Go on! Try it!


Thursday, November 06, 2003

there are some things that only i get excited about...

I came home from work yesterday to find my jack-o-lantern obliterated all over the front porch. The rain had penetrated its hallow body and filled it until the pumpkin could no longer remain balanced on the railing. It was soft and squishy with black spores growing on the inside surfaces. Buried underneath the sludge was the candle that once glowed as a beacon for children in search of more sugar. It was difficult to clean up. I wanted to save what remained of the candle, but it was hard to motivate myself to wipe the orange goo off of it. I picked up the largest chunk of the pumpkin and attempted to make it to the backyard to place it in the garbage can, but I only made it around the corner of the house. The big-daddy chunk broke in half and fell to the ground. I probably shouldn't use the word broke since it implies that a solid snapping effect happened when actually it was more of a slow separation that lasted as long as 10 seconds until the rain soaked fibers of the gourd finally gave up. I decided that this was just as good of a place as any other to dispose of the carcass. I scooped up the rest of the pumpkin with my bare hands and dumped it on top of the broken big-daddy chunk. This is all part of the process of another holiday. Think about what happens after Christmas. What kinds of strange ways do people dispose of their trees? And just how long after the holiday itself do you keep a tree or a jack-o? I think I'll start a new holiday tradition of keeping the rotting corpse of holiday food and plants around until they experience severe decomposition. This would make each year so much more interesting. I could enjoy Christmas for many months after the actual holiday simply by observing a rotting pine tree in all it's stages. For Easter, I could watch eggs go bad. For Thanksgiving, the leftovers obviously. The possibilities are endless! Well, not really. Those are the only things I could think of, but they should last most of the year.

To read another story about rotting pumpkins that's almost as lame as mine go here. Now slap yourself in the back of the head for reading what may have just made you dumber.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

my night as a amber...

Last night I dressed up as a hooker named Amber Spice. It was for a "Pimps and Prostitutes" Halloween party. I was one of only two guys that cross-dressed for the event, which is a little disappointing. I expected more out of the architecture kids, but at least I wasn't the only one. The party was fun. Mr. Christopher and his Bribe Bunch (this is what I think he should call the band now) played a good show and entertained me at least. Nobody else seemed to notice that they were playing. They were probably distracted by the dancing drag queen on the front row. Hey, I was trying to support them you know. All the gay guys that I know said that I would enjoy dressing like a woman. Well, they were wrong. It was not comfortable at all. I don't know what they're talking about. I feel sorry for any woman who has ever walked in heels. I couldn't quite pull it off. I did enjoy making guys extremely uncomfortable by standing really close to them. For all those who didn't see the spectacle that was Amber Spice, I have pictures.