Sunday, February 27, 2005

a saturday in fayetteville...

I went to the Razorback baseball games this weekend. Today it rained on us and soaked every piece of clothing we had. It was fun though. Saturday was much better. Some friends and I staked our claim in the left field "Hog Pen" and cooked tons of food. Philip went all out with his brats, pork, and squash. Some other guys had duck wrapped in bacon with cream cheese, stuffed peppers, and an assortment of other goodies fit for a king. I even got the first bit of sunburn this year. It feels weird to have a tan in February. All in all, it was a good weekend for baseball though. The Hogs swept the Gophers in a three games to nothing series.

Baum Stadium is lovely.

This is Philip stroking his tenderloins.

After the baseball game we went to Sodie's to watch the end of the basketball game on TV.

Friday, February 25, 2005

semi-local indie pop band makes good...

I feel obligated to tell everyone in the world this. One of my favorite bands, Aqueduct, will be on Conan O'Brian tonight at 11:35 Central Standard Time. Don't let them lie to you. They're not from Seattle. They're from Tulsa. And they rock hard.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

delegates for our species...

I’ve never been too fond of birds. Yes, like so many other things in life that I dislike or just down right hate, this distaste for birds is a direct result of a childhood experience. I was playing in my dad’s yard, on the side of the house where I probably shouldn’t have been, and sitting right there in front of me on the neighbor’s chain-link fence was a baby robin. It still had its little spots like a baby dear. It was crying and looked lonely. I wanted to hold it. I guess I thought it would just jump right onto my shoulder and whistle me a tune like in those Disney cartoons. I was wrong. When I approached it, it began screaming bloody murder. I decided that spending some quality time with this bird probably wasn’t such a great idea after all. Then out of nowhere its mother came diving from the tree above. It was a trap. This mother robin was using her child as bait, like an excuse to just drill a human’s skull. I turned and ran. I ran as fast as I had ever run before. I remember this because while running I thought to myself, “Wow. I’ve never run this fast before.” My instincts kicked in, and I headed directly for the front door of the house. Right before opening the door, I turned around to see how close the bird was to me. I don’t know why I did this, because I could distinctively hear the robin screaming as though she were somehow perched on both of my ear lobes. When I realized that she was in fact at about an arm’s length from my noggin, I quickly opened the front door and slammed it shut in her face. I remember thinking “What was that damn bird’s problem? I just wanted to make sure her kid was alright.” I guess birds are just so stupid and mean that they enjoy picking fights and stuff. Well, that was enough evidence for me. Birds were on my list.

I thought I would never get to enjoy any quality time with a bird for the rest of my life. It just wasn’t meant to be. Birds are an angry lot. They’re mad at the man, and for good reason. We chop down trees. I don’t personally chop down trees, but I’ve heard that it’s a pretty common occurrence. And to be perfectly honest, I’ve thought about chopping down a few trees. I’ve never acted on those emotions though. I think that fact should be considered by these birds before they just toss me into the category of your average, everyday human and peck out my eyes without any conversation.

Things all changed one summer day at the lake. While some friends and I were sitting on the tailgate of a truck at our campsite, an extremely obese crow began talking in the tree branch above us. He was apparently talking to another bird in a nearby tree. It seemed like a fairly interesting conversation between the two. It was obvious that they were friends and that they were very much accustomed to humans camping below them. I think the majority of the conversation had to do with a human’s relationship to his or her environment, the human acceptance of changing environmental variables, and how he/she invents certain new conditions in response to said changes, et cetera. My friend Larry decided it would be courteous of us to join in the conversation and be delegates for our species. I didn’t speak crow, but Larry knew enough to get by. It didn’t take long before I picked up on the language (it’s quite simple actually).

Here’s a direct partial transcript, not translated, of the discussion:

Obese Crow: “Caaaaw.”

Distant Crow: “Caw.”

Obese Crow: “Caaw. Caaw.”

Distant Crow: “Caaaaw.”

Larry: “Caw.”

Obese Crow: …

Larry: “Caw.”

Obese Crow: “Caaw?”

Me: “Did he just ask you a question?”

Larry: “Caaaw.”

Obese Crow: “Caaaw.”

Distant Crow: “Caaw.”

Larry: “Caw. Caw.”

Obese Crow: “Caw Caw.”

Me: “Caw?”

Distant Crow: “Caw.”

Me: “Ha ha!”

Larry: “Wow! He sure told you!”

This discussion went on for maybe another half an hour. I can’t remember exactly. It was a healthy discourse for certain. We all agreed to be more accepting of each other’s kind…well, at least tolerable of each other’s kind. I can honestly say that I have done nothing since then to harm, annoy, or just get in the way of any birds. I can’t say the same for all birds though. They regularly poop on me, but I think that pooping on a human directly might actually be a sign of friendship. Pooping on a human’s car means something different. The lesson here is that we should all be more open-minded when it comes to birds. You can hate the old ones all you want, just don’t mess with their kids.


Thanks for the story topics everyone.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

what's right is right, what's wrong is wrong, now everybody dance to my chicken song...

I can't quit you, Blogger, so sometimes I have to put you down for awhile. Why am I talking in Led Zeppelin lyrics? Anyway, I've been really busy lately. One of my bosses went to China for about a month to adopt a new daughter. I've taken over his work load and man is it ever a load. When a three man firm suddenly drops down to a two man firm, things get turned upside down quickly. I've managed to handle things so far, but as far as blogging goes...well, it's been put on the back burner. Valentine's Day got put on the other back burner as well. Don't say it. I already know I'm a terrible person. My mother called to tell me.

I wish there were more exciting things for me to discuss here. The weather has been beautiful lately, but I barely have time to notice. It was sunny and almost 70 degrees a few days ago, but the best I could do was rush home from work and sit on my back deck reading a book during the last 5 minutes of daylight.

Something's got to give soon. Maybe I'll win one of these trips to sunny Orlando and tickets to Disney World that I keep getting faxes about. I mean, do I really have to enter the drawing to win? Can't we have an essay contest or something. "Why I Deserve To Get Things For Free" - By Volsequoyah* has a nice ring to it. It would be a fascinating read, chocked full of lies and deceit. They don't have to know that I'm really not an 8 year old boy, starving to death, and drowning deeply beneath the surface of the poverty line in rural Mississippi.

I have an idea for my next post. I'm going to ask everyone else to give me a random topic to write about. I'm not going to tell you my approach to the topic. Just give me some suggestions, I'll pick my favorite one, and I'll make my next post entirely about that topic. And it won't take me a week to get around to it. I promise.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

running her hands through my fro, bouncing on 24's...

Have no fear! Aqueduct is here! No, for real. Tuesday night I saw my favorite indie popsters at JR's. It was pretty darn fun as usual. They haven't changed much since they signed on Barsuk Records, which is cool. I need to go up to Clunk and pick up their new record "I Sold Gold". Their old album and the new EP have been on heavy rotation in my disc changer and have become a morning commute tradition for me. I'm addicted to it. I have to have my daily dosage before work.

"Who wanna rock with tha Aqueduct? The ladies line up for tha Aqueduct!"

Monday, February 07, 2005

san diego, which of course in german means "a whale's vagina"...

Drink orders, everyone?

I'll have 3 fingers of Glenlivet with a little pepper and some cheese. She'll have a Manhattan, kick the vermouth in the side with a pair of steel-toed boots.

Now, on to the conversation. about that Superbowl? Yea. I wasn't impressed.

Boy, this weather sure is strange. Yep. It's just plain annoying, I say.



Ok, well...what do you say we just finish these drinks and leave. Yea, this place is dead anyway.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Here's one of many shots I took at the Lucero show at the Dickson Theater last night. Ben was dressed like my grandpa again, in his thermals and a freebie trucker cap. Anybody who sings like that can wear whatever the hell they want. That's all I'm saying.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

It actually snowed like they said it would. Well, don't that just beat all...

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I apologize to anyone who might actually be upset that I haven't posted in awhile. To be quite honest, I just haven't felt like it. There hasn't been much to talk about lately. I drove down to Dallas and surprised my dad on his birthday a few weeks ago. That was pretty fun. Um...I watched my friend Posey spend some money at a local modern furniture store on Saturday. That was pretty cool. Yea, otherwise it's been fairly uneventful around here. I'm hoping for a major snow storm tonight, but it will probably only be enough to make it dangerous to drive on, but not dangerous enough to not go to work in. Damn you, El Nino or La Nina or El Pedro or whichever Mexican is in control of the weather these days. Bring me 3 feet of snow or bring me Summer. Quit messing around.

I've been trying to drink the recommended amount of water for my body weight every day, but I've found out that it is really hard to do. I'm supposed to drink between 60 and 70 ounces per day, but when I do my urine turns so clear that it is almost nonexistent. Isn't that bad for you? I don't know, but it makes me very unproductive at work. I have to go to the bathroom every half hour once I break the seal at about 10:00 AM. It's crazy.