Monday, May 09, 2005

an unillustrated guide to self induced general discomfort...

I'd like to begin this discussion by simply pointing out that there exists in Fayetteville a band by the name of (hold your applause) Anal Blast. I just thought I'd bring that up for discussion. If you don't have any comments about that, there's something wrong with you, like maybe you can't read. I said someone named their band ANAL BLAST! And you wonder why I love this town so much.

As I sit here and write this, I'm sweating. Not because I'm nervous that some ass-raping freak will stumble upon my blog after Googling anal+blast, but because it is hot in the attic today. That's where I typically blog from, a finished-out attic space above my house. We turned it into a studio space of sorts and it can be pretty cozy when the temperature is milder. It got a little warm outside today, so now the heat is transferring from the roof straight into the house. We have air conditioning, but I guess we are being cheap and we'll wait until someone passes out before we'll turn it on. Until then, we will all have swamp ass. In case you don't know what I'm talking about because you live in a colder climate or have no sweat glands, swamp ass is the condition when one's sweat glands around the buttocks and genitals become overactive due to heat that gets built up inside of the clothing. It causes much discomfort when doing everyday things such as walking in jeans, riding in a car after walking through a large parking lot, or simply just watching television while sitting on a suede couch. This condition is similar in discomfort yet is not to be confused with what is known as mud butt.

I'm stopping here because I have this insatiable urge to start writing about the many changing ecosystems of the human anus. Nobody wants that.